So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
