why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
