So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
