It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
