Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
