Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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