Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this just has baby written all over it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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