My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I need to calm my uterus...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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