That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
