Screwed.edu
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
