I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
