it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think your dad took our porno
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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