In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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