I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Randomize
