Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
