my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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