At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize