apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
