I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize