I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
