she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
