i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
