she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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