I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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