What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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