So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
