mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
