Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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