just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize