I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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