im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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