Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
