I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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