My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize