the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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