Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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