i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
