i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She said her name was "party"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
