remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
