Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
