Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
