did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
