12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
