the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
this boner is exhausting
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
