i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
