Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
worst night to have a conscience
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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