I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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