sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize