NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize