he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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