I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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