i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
