Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
