My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
