I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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