Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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