I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
