I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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