If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
