i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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