you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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