So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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