well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
