So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
