I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
