Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Girls should come with a carfax report
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
