i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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