Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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