"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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