My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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