Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
