big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
