omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just tell him i said nine months
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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