The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
