another moral hangover. fuck.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize