Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
